I gotta give a nod to my online bud, Jim Sanders, who sparked my interest in writing about human sexuality, connection, and love on Substack today.
As an aside—I got the title Heartsparks Dollarsign from the cute 90s love song by Everclear:
Long before Incel males claimed that women wanted to do the horizontal tango with a bear, there was a raging debate about the perception of making love versus having sex.
Many men looked down on the notion of making love, saying the physical act was the same and it was just semantics. These are the same fellahs who also decry love as just a chemical and spit on Valentine’s Day as another commercially cynical holiday.
I’ve even known some dudes who break up with their girlfriends just before Valentine’s Day and make up afterward so they won’t have to celebrate it.
All the above statements appear to be solid facts—on the surface. Let’s break them down, shall we?
Another aside—you can’t claim to be a nice guy if you are basically saying this:
I know this well, having been married for some 18 years. There are days when you are trying to snatch a quick one between laundry days and the kiddos getting home from school.
But then there are days when you want to be intimately close. It’s all candles, chocolates, bubble baths, and flower petals—metaphorically. I have cats and kids, ain’t nobody got time for that.
Heartspark Dollarsigns—when you connect, the physical part is the same, but the emotional and spiritual aspects are different. Bruh, I have almost astrally projected in such moments.
As stated elsewhere, I cried when I reached the apex of this idea. It was simply transcendent. But I had opened myself completely in that moment.
If you are unwilling to do this you can’t truly go to that place. And yes—it will always only be fucking.
I really love, no pun unintended, how people say this dismissively, like; what, do they think Cupid literally has to shoot an arrow in someone’s ass for it to be magical? No, love is not mystical—it is biological. It has been my understanding that all our biological functions serve a needful purpose.
Don’t blame love for the fact that others abuse it—all out biological drives can and often are abused—it is the fault of humanity, not the drive itself.
Love has been mapped in the brain, and it fires differently from all other types of affection, including lust. In other words, scientifically speaking, love, like joy or hate, is a separate entity.
It exists, and as we are all biochemical machines, it is indeed a chemical response. So what?
People who say this are afraid of the power of this emotion—as some have said, I would rather be feared than loved, likely because they think that makes them appear strong and above it all. Sadly, such a drive becomes dark and harmful—again, not the fault of love itself.
When people get out of their own headspace about love, they can experience it’s good—first, they must remove fear and be willing to connect with someone on a much deeper level than many of us seem willing to go.
We celebrate Christmas despite this because it isn’t about the advertisers; it is about the sentiment or reason for the season.
Now, as a rule, I generally don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but I largely don’t celebrate most occasions—even my own birthday. I have my reasons for that—I do celebrate Thanksgiving and Winter Solstice (Christmas) largely because of the kiddos.
I believe you celebrate a thing if it is important y to your partner, especially if you yourself don’t care about it—what could it hurt? Also, V-Day doesn’t have to just be for romantic love—shower anyone you know with celebratory love on that day:
Indeed, folks are kinda missing the point of what Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about.
The cynical sentiments I speak of were particularly hallmarked by one Tony Rinaldi, an ex-music agent of mine who told me that he didn’t have to prove he loved his wife after 20 years of marriage with a Valentine’s Day card.
I held my tongue but thought, “Dude, Valentine’s Day is not about proving love, but celebrating the idea of it, with people all over the world celebrating the same day for the same reason. That’s wonderful! For better or worse, love is all we have, and we need it, or else the world would truly burn.”
For instance, in the early years of our marriage, my hubby made me a wooden bedside table. It was uneven and leaned to the side, but I loved it. We lost the damn thing during a move, but to me, the work of his hands meant more than flowers.
Besides, how crappy is it that anyone thinks years of marriage means you no longer have to appreciate your significant other? Why is it that so many of us think people in our lives do not need occasional affection and appreciation?
Showing love is free and it can happen any day of any week. Valentine’s Day is simply the world sharing its appreciation for what love can be—that is special, too, if you make it that way.
What all of the above cynical-versus-realistic concepts have in common is a fearful unwillingness to see the magic in two people feeling attraction, coming together, and, even if for a moment, connecting hearts and minds.
It can be a lovely, even if fleeting, exchange—a sentiment I detailed in my song “New Mexico.”
Why make sex and love cynical and combative, even if fleeting? And then, why, after we make it cynical and combative, do we blame sex and/or love but not ourselves when negative fallout occurs?
But love is beautiful. As with anything, love can be misused, but we are responsible when that occurs.
One of the reasons I started leaning my art toward erotica in my mid-30s was to take the magic of it back and reclaim sex, love, and romance in the positive. The magic aspect of my stories reflects the gorgeous aspects of romance and sex.
As a rule, my erotic animation is unapologetically romantic—I care not what someone thinks about this.
I embrace it, and I want to showcase love in all its colors—including heart glow red.
Also, I’m almost done with episode one of Musik Luv Magick, and I’m stoked—I had fun with it. I implore you to find your own passions, whatever they might be.